Fantasy Island

Remember the television show, Fantasy Island? People would show up by airplane ("De plane, boss...de plane!") and the staff on the beautiful, plush, tropical island would make the guests' fantasies come true. Not all fantasies were worthy of being brought to life as it turns out.

Remember Misi? Finally, she is comfortable enough to let me take her picture--even as she sleeps. (I know it isn't Friday, but Misi was available.)


Here is Misi on her Fantasy Island. As you can see, she aspires to be an otter swimming with the turtles. (Hey, cats have dreams, too.)

Snorkeling in Honaunau Bay in March, I came as close to a green sea turtle as this one is to Misi. Well, actually, he came this close to me. I stopped mid stroke and pulled my arm back to prevent touching him. If you touch a turtle, there is a big fine. If the turtle touches you...no problem. I am not sure who polices such things, but I didn't want to find out.

Can't you see the turtle pulling his citation book from his shell?

I'm sorry, but I am going to have to cite you.

Excuse me?

You touched me. That's kapu.

But I was just swimming. You ran into me!

Nope. It says right here in the book, "If the swimmer is moving his/her arm in a forward motion at the moment of contact with said turtle, the swimmer shall have been considered to have touched the turtle, not the other way around. First conviction, is punishable by a fine of not less than $250 and not more than $2,000 or by imprisonment of not more than one year or both."

Hmm--maybe this isn't Misi's fantasy, but mine.

On this 4th of July, I am grateful for the freedom to dream and the freedom to live my fantasies

...and so much more.

May you all be blessed by your best fantasies coming true.

Wanda Tucker, Coach

Talk nice to each other...

Let's talk about computers.

I have spent hours and HOURS every day this past week trying to get our new printer at the office hooked up on the wireless network. I installed the Hewlett Packard 6310 All-in-one on my computer using USB. No problem. I installed the Airlink 101 wireless router. No problem. The router sees the printer. I can print a test page at the MS-DOS level.

What does that mean? It means that the computer and printer are talking to each other. No problem. Until...I try to install the HP software on my machine to run wireless through Windows XP.

PROBLEM!

"Is this the printer you want to install?"

Yes.

"Do you want to install it directly through USB or through the Network?"

Through the network.

[Installation begins.]
"Is this the printer you want to install?"

Why yes, as a matter of fact, it is. Thank you for asking.

"Do you want to install it directly through USB or through the Network?"

Oh, let's try the network this time.

[Installation begins.]
"Is this the printer you want to install?"

Uh, YEAH!

"Do you want to install it directly through USB or through the Network?"

Network...network...NETWORK...NET-WORK.

"Is this the printer you want to install?"


I haven't cried yet. I used a few terms I learned at the knee of my father, the logger. They didn't solve the problem, but they probably did keep me from crying.

I tapped. Really. It helped me feel calmer, and it didn't heal the problem.

I prayed. That probably helped, too, although prayer didn't heal the problem either.

Okay, let's go over this again...

Wireless router installed and operational: check.

Router sees and identifies printer: check.

Printer installed through USB on the computer: check.

Printer prints through USB: check.

Printer prints wirelessly through MS-DOS: check.

Computer will install wireless connection and print through Windows: Why--no! I don't believe it will! How odd.

Now, track here with me folks--where does the problem lie? Apparently, somewhere between HP and Windows XP. So here's my question...don't these people talk to each other?

I know this is a huge industry and there are a lot of issues to work around. I get it. But don't the people at HP know that someone somewhere is going to be trying to use the printer on a Windows XP machine wirelessly? Especially since it is sold as an RJ45 capable machine? And don't the Microsoft folks know that people have to use printers to get their work out of the machine?

Is it too much to ask that they talk to each other and figure out these issues BEFORE they sell me their products?

You see, because they didn't work this out it has become my problem. I now have spent more hours than I wanted to and more than I think any one person should (even after talking to HP tech support--yes, I have been there) trying to get this to work. And it still doesn't. Sigh.

Kind of like real life isn't it? When we don't talk nice to each other and work out the communication glitches that are bound to happen (because we each have our individual operating systems) our problems can very quickly become someone else's. Not fair...not right. Yet it happens all the time.

So, HP and Microsoft, all I want you to do is talk nice to each other and solve the miscommunications before you pass them on to me and try to get me to work them out for you. I'm sure you are very busy. So am I.

Communication is my business. Would you like a little help? Call me. I am sure I can mediate the communication issues between you. Maybe I can even help with some skill building. How about this--you pay me to help you work out your miscommunications, instead of the other way around.

You know, it is pretty simple. Most of the time all we have to do is talk nice to each other.

May my words be Light.

Wanda Tucker, Coach

PS - The pictures are mine, taken by me. All rights reserved.

Light up your friends' lives...and your own.

Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in their best light.

Jennie Jerome Churchill1854-1921, Mother of Winston Churchill

[This is Owen the hippo who became attached to the tortoise (or is it a turtle?) after his mother died. You have probably all seen these pictures rolling around the internet. I would be glad to give credit to the photographer, but I don't know who it is. Just want you to know that I am not claiming the glory here.]

When you think about your friends, do you hold them in their best light?

The Society of Friends (or Quakers) use the term "hold in the Light" when they pray. I believe that when we think about our friends with love, we pray for them. When we see them in their best light, we pray for them.

If I get short tempered or irritable with a friend, I try to remember what I love about him or her. It doesn't always make my irritability go away, but it sometimes stops me from saying something stupid that I will regret. Then if I need to say something difficult, I can hold them in my heart with highest regard and use the tone of voice that presumes the outcome I want--understanding...compassion...forgiveness.

Those closest to me will tell you that I don't always succeed, but I try.

May your words be Light to your friends...then notice how wonderful they look in that light.

Wanda Tucker, Coach

Sabbath

(Kauai Church: photo by Wanda Tucker)

I am starting a new practice. Because filling my weekends with chores and 'have to-s' is so easy and rest is not, and because Mondays come too soon sometimes, in my household we are creating a Sabbath experience.

No, I am not Jewish; and while I do have a well-grounded and well-rounded spiritual life, our Sabbath is not purely for religious reasons (and there is not necessarily a church involved--I just happen to like visiting churches in my travels and I take lots of pictures of them).

"On the seventh day God rested." Seems like a good role model doesn't it? In my search for a balanced life, building in a "down day" makes a huge difference for me.

I don't have a lot of rules about Sabbath. The bottom line is, I don't do what I don't want to do. If I feel like doing something, I do it. I hang out with friends. I sleep in. I spend time recreating. I spend time in communion. (graceonline asks some great questions about how to build this time in an earlier post.)

The rhythm of "sundown to sundown" works well for me, too. In the past, I have tried to do Sabbath from the time I get up in the morning until I get up the next morning. I am not sure why the evening to evening works better, but it does.

I am amazed at how setting aside a day like this allows me to let down and really relax.

Find a rhythm of your own. Try it...you'll like it.

Wanda Tucker
Coach

Blackbird singing in the dead of night...

...take these broken wings and learn to fly.
All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
take these sunken eyes and learn to see.
All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free.

(lyrics by Paul McCartney)

I know--this isn't really a blackbird, but we call it that because when you walk by, in your peripheral vision, it looks like a big black bird sitting in the garden.

I love this plant. I chose it at the nursery. In spite of my childhood dream to be a farmer, I have no capacity for gardening. I enjoy a beautiful garden yet every plant I have tried to grow has gone on to the great Garden of Eden in the sky.

For the last week, we have been enjoying beautiful sunny weather here in the Northwest. For convertible owners, it has been top down weather--as long as the heater works. Tonight they say it will be 23 degrees...Fahrenheit. Tomorrow night, 18 degrees. For dormant plants that have been thinking it might be time to wake up, the temperature drop could be death.

After work today, I loaded the wheelbarrow with bark dust and piled it on the place where my blackbird sleeps. I took a waxed cardboard box that hadn't made it to recycling yet and turned it upside down on the mound.

I feel kind of like my blackbird. I'm ready to come out of dormancy and am not quite sure of the timing. Is it too early? Will I freeze up?

Sometimes pulling the covers over my head and going back to sleep is the right thing to do. Every once in a while I will stick my toe out and check the temperature, but as long as it is freezing, I think I will stay under cover.

How about you?

Wanda Tucker, Coach

Happy Valentine's Day!

(a flower in Kauai at Aunty Angeline's spa where I enjoyed wonderful lomilomi massage)

It is a day for lovers of all kinds. Whether you have a special sweetheart or not, be a lover today.

Be kind...
be thoughtful...
be gentle...
be courteous...
smile...
look others in the eye...
show up as your best self wherever you are.

Love is in the air and the stars today, but we must each do our own part to bring it down to earth where we all live. You matter. I matter. Let's make love manifest today.

I hope you know that you are love and loved.

Wanda Tucker
Coach

Monday, Monday...

...can't trust that day.

I love The Mamas and the Papas. Mondays I am not so sure about.

I had a great weekend with Sabbath and time with friends. I even accomplished some things that have been on my list for a very long time.

So what is it about Mondays? Maybe it is changing gears that is so hard. Weekends are cruise control. Monday is a fast downshift to climb the hill. Tuesday--second gear. By Wednesday I hit the top of the hill and am ready to coast down the other side at cruising speed. (Good grief--from The Mamas and the Papas to the Beach Boys!)

This morning, so far, I have folded five loads of laundry while listening to Joan Baez, and now Nora Jones. Bob Marley should be on by the time I finish my ablutions and start to pack up to go out the door. Movement, music, productivity.

Break the suction.

Inertia: An object at rest tends to stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force.

Who would have thought that piles of laundry would be a motivation? And music...ah, sweet music. Thank you God.

Chop wood; carry water.

What do you do to break the suction? I'd love to hear.

Have a great Monday--
Wanda Tucker
Coach

Passion vs. Success

All I would tell people is to hold onto what was individual about themselves, not to allow their ambition for success to cause them to try to imitate the success of others. You've got to find it on your own terms.

~ Harrison Ford

Lately I have been struggling with my writing: "What should I be writing about? What do I have to say? Who cares? Look at what she is doing--I can't write like that." So, I end up not writing at all. Sigh.

Maybe I am letting my "ambition for success" get in the way of my passion. I need to write because...well, I need to write. Truth is, some of it will never be read by anyone but me and that's okay. Mostly I need to write because the words roll around in my head and I get mentally constipated if I don't.

So, I am breaking the suction. Right here. Right now.

What is your passion? What are you avoiding that would make you happier if you did it? Who are you comparing yourself to in a way that makes you smaller?

Sometimes no one else matters. What is it that you need to do for you?

Wanda Tucker
Coach

Christmas 2005

This year we did something different on Christmas. At the end of the day, after all the bustle was over, our close friends came to visit. We had one more round of pie and ice cream accompanied by a cup of espresso (or Americano if you prefer--decaf at that time of day); and here's my favorite part...we all did Qigong together.

Qigong is a Chinese healing system. It originally was developed as a balance to Kung Fu, the martial art.

We had fun! I felt better for having done the exercises. There is something about moving in unison, as if in a dance: We were together, moving together, doing something good for ourselves and each other.

It doesn't get any better than that, does it?

What is your favorite memory of the season? Maybe you celebrate something other than Christmas...tell me about your experience.

I'd love to hear.

Wanda Tucker, Coach

For the Earth

I've moved...

You'd never know it from just looking, but I am now in a new location.

After 19 years in the same office, I have moved to a new suite with kindred practitioners. I am grateful for the good long run I had in my old office. I am looking forward to the next phase in my new office. It is full of possibility. We all feel it.

AND...a truly exciting feature is that we are turning the office into a "mini gallery" for an artist friend of mine. She is a painter, photographer, shaman, psychotherapist, and coach. Visit her web site For-the-Earth.com. The energy of her work is amazing. It exudes healing and transformation.

Ah, yes...we are truly blessed.

(If you want to know about our open house, send me an email.)

'til next time ~

Wanda Tucker, Coach

(photographs by Jeanette French ~ printed with permission)

Radio Days: Gratitude

(Bubbles in espresso - Photo by Wanda Tucker; copyright 2005; all rights reserved.)

Yesterday I was a guest on The Coaching Corner with Irene Gutmann at wrcr in Rockland County, New York. We had a fun time talking about gratitude.

It is amazing how fast a half hour goes on the radio! And Irene was a very relaxed seamless host. With Thanksgiving coming up here in the U.S. we thought the topic is timely.

I understand that the live stream wasn't working at the web site for wrcr, so if you want to hear the show, send me an email and I'll get it to you somehow. Irene will send me a tape once she gets copies made. I just received a message from her saying that she may keep this show in her "best of" file for future reference.

So what about gratitude?

What are the benefits?

Here's a partial list:

• Taking time to be grateful can change your outlook on life,
• make you feel better,
• even cause you to be more optimistic.
• By focusing on what is good, we can achieve more balance (i.e., not just focus on what is "wrong").
• Sleep may improve when we focus on what we are grateful for at bed time and let go of what is bothering us.
• Being more relaxed as a result of gratitude practice may even help lower blood pressure. (Sorry, I don't have the research to prove this. It is my belief.)

This isn't about being a Pollyanna and not paying attention to those things which we can do something about. It is about giving us a new outlook: an attitude of gratitude.

How to do it?

Developing a Gratitude Practice is easy. There is no one right way to do it. Do what works for you. That being said, here are a couple of ideas that might be useful to you:

1. Find an Anchor. An anchor is like a trigger. Each time you come across your anchor, you "remember" to do your practice. You can anchor to time, place, object, or activity, for example:

• Time - every day at 8:00 a.m. and/or 8:00 p.m. (Choose the time that is best for you.)
• Place - whenever you are in the kitchen or the bathroom or your car. (Think what this would do for road rage if everyone were to try it!)
• Object - whenever you are at a red traffic light or see a fire hydrant. Any object will do--a pencil, a computer....
• Activity - whenever you brush your teeth, fold laundry, wait for a web page to load.

2. Find things or concepts or issues of all sizes to be thankful for. It is easy to be thankful for our family and friends, having enough to eat, living in a place where we can be free. Think of tiny things and huge things and medium things: like the beauty of the bubbles in your coffee cup, people who are working to end world hunger, having a warm house in the winter.

3. Stretch yourself. Think of at least one new thing to be grateful for each time you do your practice. Try being grateful for something that didn't go the way you had hoped or planned, because it gives you the opportunity to learn a new way.

Let me know how your practice goes.

Let me know now, some things you are grateful for.

Blessings to you all,

Wanda Tucker, Coach

Misi

Here she is--the lovely lady of the house. She tends to be a bit spooky. So far, this is the best picture I have been able to get of her. She is outside, looking through the kitty door to see what awaits her upon entry.

Just me...with the camera.

Marty is probably asleep in the closet. Not a bad idea.

Where do you like to go to rest? Where is your favorite napping place?

Rest consciously. Rest often. Conserve your energy. Use it wisely.

Wanda Tucker, Coach

First Aid for Trauma

Every day we experience or witness more trauma. Whether the trauma is on a grand scale (the war, Katrina) or a smaller one (losing your wallet, finding a ding in the paint), whether it happens to you or the people around you, trauma takes its toll. We suffer. It hurts. Trauma saps our energy. We have trouble sleeping. Sometimes we have trouble eating. We are cranky.

We try to keep a stiff upper lip, but the accumulation of unresolved trauma or the sheer overwhelm of too many traumatic events happening so close together that we can't metabolize everything can wear us down. Being brave and acting like nothing affects us doesn't work over time.

In the face of so much chaos, suffering, and loss, we can only do what we can do. Some pray; some send money; some offer shelter or succor; some go lend a hand--literally. Some choose less constructive means for dealing with their feelings.

In this installment, I offer you first aid for trauma. You can use this on yourself. You can share it with friends and family. You can even use it on your pets. Whether you are affected directly by the rage of the storm and events in your own life, or your trauma comes from watching, reading, or hearing about what happens to others, this intervention can help.

TRAUMA TAP

This sequence of points shown in the pictures below make up a first aid intervention for trauma. It can be used on physical or emotional trauma, old or new. Before I give you the instructions, I want to give credit to Dr. Roger Callahan (originator of Thought Field Therapy) and Dr. Helen Tuggy who developed this intervention.

In the pictures below, Jasmin Hughes demonstrates the location of the acupuncture points used for this first aid treatment. However, instead of needles (as in acupuncture) you can activate the points for yourself by tapping on them with your fingers.

These five points, when activated by tapping in sequence can alleviate the discomfort, pressure, or emotional charge that is built up as the result of trauma. Here, Jasmin uses one finger on the points in order to indicate more clearly where they are, but you can use two or more fingers when you tap on yourself.

The points are very forgiving. You only need to be in the correct area when you tap. If you are not on the precise point, the treatment will still work.

While thinking about your trauma and focusing on what you are feeling in your body, use one or more fingers to tap several times on each of these points in this order:

1. Under the eyes

This point is directly below the pupil on the cheek bones.

2. Under the arms
On the side seams about four inches below the armpit, most people find a tender spot. That is the target for this point. The points are level with the nipple line.

(An alternate way to reach these points is to cross your arms, as if you are giving yourself a hug, so your right hand taps your left side and your left hand taps your right side.)

3. Eyebrows
The eyebrow points are at the inside end of the eyebrow, closest to the nose.

4. Collarbones

At the base of the throat is a notch in the bone--the top of the breast bone (or sternum).

Put your two index fingers in that notch. Then move them down the center line one inch and away from each other (toward the shoulders) one inch.

Your fingers will be under a "knob" on each side. That knob is the sternoclavicular joint.

5. Little finger
At the tip of the little finger, tap on the cuticle at the side of the nail that is closest to the ring finger. (Where the red dot is.)


When you have finished a round of tapping, stop and check in with yourself. How are you feeling? Has the troubling sensation in your body diminished? Is the emotional upset less? If not, you may do as many more rounds of tapping as you need to take the charge or edge off what you feel.

[An alternate way to apply this sequence is to tap on each point until it feels done. Instead of tapping five to ten times, you may tap for 15 to 20 seconds or more on each point.]

Give it a try. Let me know how it works for you. If you have any questions, please post them or send me an email.

Tell me how you feel after you've tried it. Tell me how it works for you.

From your energy coach,
Wanda Tucker

What motivates you?

People say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.

~ Zig Ziglar (speaker and author)

What motivates you?

Dreams of success?

The smiles on your loved one's faces?

Money? (Not having enough? Or wanting to accumulate more?)

Avoiding pain? (Prevention or alleviation?)

Looking good in the eyes of others? Or feeling good about yourself and what you have accomplished?

Acting on your spiritual or ethical values?

Different things can motivate us in particular circumstances. I am motivated to change the sheets on my bed by remembering the feel of crawling into a fresh bed. I am motivated to balance my checkbook because I want to avoid overdraft charges.

Sometimes my motivation directs me toward the outcome, and other times my motivation encourages me away from consequences I don't like. It is good to know whether we respond better to "toward" or "away from" motivations in each situation. Then we can better organize for success.

Think about some situations in your own life. Are you motivated by "toward" or "away from"? Then, tell me what works for you.

Your energy coach,
Wanda Tucker

Hey...guess what!

I'm going to be on the radio!

On Tuesday, November 22nd (10:30 a.m. Eastern / 7:30 a.m. Pacific), I will be on Coaching Corner as the guest of host, Irene Guttman.

The program is about gratitude--perfect for Thanksgiving week, don't you think?

The link above will allow you to catch the program by live stream. I hope you will join us. If you need any more information, feel free to email me. I'd love to hear from you. Or, if you want to post your questions here, I will answer them for everyone to see.

I am sure I will have more to say about it all later. For now, I just wanted to give you all a head's up. This should be fun!

Talk to you soon,
Wanda Tucker, your energy coach

Spiderman

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.
Epictetus, Roman Philosopher

This is my great-nephew. He loves Spiderman. I love this picture. Children take on the persona of their heroes with such zeal.

When I was a high school teacher, one of my students told about her little brother who became Aquaman by putting a pair of underpants on his head and looking through the leg holes. Unfortunately, he broke his arm jumping off the bunk bed...but he became Aquaman.

What is it that you would be? Maybe you don't want to be Spiderman or Wonder Woman. Maybe you seek to be a better mother or more of an adventurer. Maybe you want to find a new career or renew your passion in the one you have. Do you know what you have to do?

Tell me about it. I'd love to hear.

Wanda Tucker, your energy coach

Count your blessings

Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many--not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.

Charles Dickens

As one of my dear friends reflected recently, some days you're the stick, some days you're the pinata...but even the pinata is full of blessings.

This is one of those days when every time I try to "fix" something, I create another problem. (See...this isn't even the picture I wanted to use, but I couldn't delete it. I decided to leave it and trust that someone will enjoy seeing it here. Sigh.) So I am reminding myself. I have so many, many blessings.

I'd love it if you would share some of yours.

Wanda Tucker, your energy coach

Happy Birthday, Larry...

Larry, the Magnificat

(September 18, 1986 - September 17, 2004)

Copyright 2005. Wanda Tucker. All rights reserved.

The days are getting shorter. We are losing four minutes of daylight per day. The leaves are starting to turn. The nights are cooler. It's time for Larry to come curl up on the hearth and warm his toes by the fire.

I miss my feline bed warmer. I miss my friend...my 18 year old, extreme geriatric cat. On veterinary charts, that's what they called him. His age was the equivalent of 86 human years.

Has it only been a year?

I hope your toes are always warm and your joints flexible. Say "hi" to Daryl and Oliver for me.

Is your energy working for you?

(Marian Anderson, photographed by Carl Van Vechten, 1940)

"As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might."

Marian Anderson (1897-1993, Concert and Opera Singer)

Marian Anderson knew about people trying to keep her down. In 1939 the famous contralto sang on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial on Easter Sunday at a concert that was arranged by Eleanor Roosevelt after the Daughters of the American Revolution refused to allow Ms. Anderson to sing in Constitution Hall. Why? Because she was black.

When she was turned away from music school because of her race, she continued her training with a private teacher. In 1955, at the age of 58, she became the first African-American to perform at the New York Metropolitan Opera. In 1972 she was awarded the UN Peace Prize, and she received a Grammy Award for Lifetime Achievement in 1991.

She soared anyway.

What keeps you from soaring? If the answer is nothing...tell me about how you do soar. Maybe your face will be on a stamp some day.

Wanda Tucker, Your Energy Coach

Marty

Marty. Copyright 2005. Wanda Tucker. All rights reserved.

On hot summer days, Marty likes to survey his territory from the deck. Occasionally, the need for a nap overtakes him. This is his imitation of a Flat Cat.

Marty - close up. Copyright 2005. Wanda Tucker. All rights reserved.

When he heard the shutter he opened his eyes...briefly.